yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
