You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
