your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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