I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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