i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
