I want to make a zoo with you.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
