I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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