I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
