I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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