Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
