dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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