I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Sorry my hands just texted you
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
