He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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