I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
