oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
