dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
