if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
two words...techno handjob
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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