Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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