We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
