I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
