Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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