No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
