I showed him my bush... on skype.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
