a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Actions speak louder than pants.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
