i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
