were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
