That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I haven't been this sober since birth.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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