I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
