Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
