I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
