nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
