Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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