I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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