It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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