I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
