Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
