Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
