none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
