Will you blow on my dice?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
