my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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