the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
