he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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