things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
