Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
