You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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