Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
