Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
