my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
