The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
