so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
