last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
