Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My life is pants optional.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
