yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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