The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
