we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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