they said they heard you say put it in my butt
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
