I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
