i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
