i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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