Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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