youre lurking in front of me
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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