Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
